The Reclining Nude and the mind of a despairing artist

Painting today took me to the depths of fear.   I can track that this had been building up over a few days, thinking that I might as well just give up this whole pursuit  and what a waste it was to spend money on studying art.  After spending some time sitting in the sun looking at the garden, I realized how crappy I was feeling.  My thoughts were not making me feel good.  Can you really be happy thinking there is no point and you might as well pin up a sign on a telephone post saying 'house cleaner for hire'.  Yes. those were my deep dark thoughts.  Thanks goodness, I tuned in and realized that  what  I had been telling myself did not feel good and how right can that be?  I may never be famous or rich from my art, I might not sell anymore paintings, people might laugh at my silly little pictures.  But it all boils down to how do I feel when I create these  pictures.  Usually some of the stuff I make I decide is junk but the other half intrigues me.  So I continue on.  

This painting is of my dear friend Wendy who is also my adopted mom.  She is the most inspirational woman to me.  Its amazing that someone close to me inspires me to the depths.  She is smart, talented, wise, truthful, courageous, a lover or art and beauty, flowers and veggies.  I adore her. xoxo to you Wendy.